Valentine's Day

When the postman don't call on Valentine's Day
And Santa Claus don't come on a Christmas Day
That umbrella won't work on a rainy day
Don't ask me, I already knowWhen they find you beached on the barrier reef
And the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
The choice is yours sure, saint or thief
Don't ask me I already knowYes they baked your cake in little slices
Kept your eye on rising prices
Wound up winning booby prizes
I'm sure you'd like to think you know what life isFind destiny through magazines
Lip-licking, unzipping, Harpers and Queens
From here to eternity without in-betweens
Don't ask me, I already knowWith your heart on parade and your heart on parole
I hope you find a sucker to buy that mink stole
School for scandal, guess who's enrolled?
So ask me, I already knowWhen they find you beached on the barrier reef
When the postman don't call on Valentine's Day
When the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
When you don't tell the truth, that's the price you payWhen I'm shaking a hand, I'm clenching a fist
If you gave me a pound for the moments I missed
And I got dancing lessons for all the lips I shoulda kissed
I'd be a millionaire, I'd be a Fred Astaire